


Silver Linings

by f0rt1ss1m0



Series: Sing for Her [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Platonic Relationships, could be platonic could be romantic you read it however, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rt1ss1m0/pseuds/f0rt1ss1m0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after Crack the Whip, posted literally fifteen minutes before Steven vs. Amethyst airs in the U.S. I answer to no one. </p><p>- </p><p>Peridot sneaks into Amethyst's room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Linings

**Author's Note:**

> POSTING THIS FROM MY PHONE SUPER FAST. ENJOY IT FOR THE TEN MINUTES BEFORE CANON DECIMATES ME
> 
> Song: Silver Lining — The Hurts

“So...you fused with a human and defeated Jasper, who was riding on the back of a corrupted gem,” Peridot stated, though she didn’t understand what she had just said. “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make any sense at all.”

Steven didn’t answer at first because he was busy spooning a thick, chunky yellow substance into his mouth. In Peridot’s opinion, the process of retrieving energy from “food” took much too long and made intelligent conversation very stilted. He had been eating the stuff since she had arrived here from the barn (Lazuli had needed some time alone, and Peridot was not one to deny her roommate such a valuable resource). 

At last Steven shrugged and responded, “Me and Connie fuse all the time, actually. I think it’s because I’m half human, but Connie had an idea that — ”

“No no no, I meant you beating Jasper.”

“Well...we didn’t really. We destroyed her gem monster. Then she kind of sank into the ocean.”

This, by all accounts, made less sense. “But quartzes don’t just  _ escape _ ,” Peridot insisted. “She must have been in awful condition, especially after Amethyst went at her. Right?”

The half-gem frowned. Had Peridot said something wrong? She was only expressing her faith in the stunted quartz. Defective as she was, Peridot knew personally that Amethyst could still pack quite a punch. And — she did feel some shame at this but all techs did it at one point or another — she had spied on enough soldiers’ training sessions to know that a smaller gem, if clever enough, could make work out of any soldier.

Steven had just opened his mouth when the screen door flew open and, speak of the gem, Amethyst walked in. Peridot sat up eagerly. 

“Oh! Amethyst! We were just…”

But she found herself unable to finish. For one, Amethyst wore white now — she’d reformed? For two, she only glanced over when Peridot called her name, but ripped her eyes away and kept walking straight. There was also a strange cord running from both ears to her pocket, and in the silence Peridot could hear a rhythm and melody from somewhere.

“Peridot, I don’t think Amethyst is in the mood for talking,” Steven said quietly. “She’s been like this since the fight. I thought she would be really excited, but...she hasn’t said anything about it.”

Peridot just kept watching Amethyst, who was now heading towards the Crystal Gate. She didn’t even stop by the hunger trunk for sustenance. Something was wrong, Peridot realized, and since Amethyst didn’t indicate that she shouldn’t, Peridot also decided that she would have to help her. 

“Well, then I’ll make her,” she announced stoutly and bounded off the couch before Steven could say another word. 

.

Amethyst stormed inside her room, wishing she could cry.   


She’d thought that a walk alone with a snack and some music would cheer her up. It normally did. At least it gave her energy to act happier. Not now. Now, she grew more frustrated with every step until all she wanted was to curl into a ball and scream. She couldn’t look at herself. She couldn’t even think about herself. She’d gotten like this a lot before, but this had to be the worst, she couldn't even cry to get it out. Her eyes were dry.   


Growling, Amethyst blinked hard (to no avail) and looked through the towering piles of her room. The bed was out in the open and some of her longed to lie in it forever, but she knew what she had to do. It was here  _ somewhere.  _ It had to be.

When Amethyst took her hands out of her pockets, her phone fell out and yanked her earbuds with it, but she didn’t care enough to pick them up again. She kept walking towards the pile of things she had gotten from Vidalia’s garage sale — if it wasn’t there, it wasn’t anywhere. She hadn’t had a use for it except for a vague idea of a prank on Pearl. It wasn’t on the outside of the pile but she hadn’t expected it to be, and it meant she could take her dry anger out on something. The little growl from before ripped into a loud one and she threw herself at the pile.

She leveled half of it, some with her whips, some with her fists, before she found it lying flat over an old TV and a chair. A full-length mirror seven feet tall — too big to fit in most places, which is why it had been in an artist’s garage sale. The glass had been cracked from years of pressure within the pile.

Amethyst carried it to the farthest corner of her room, where even her junk piles didn’t reach, and leaned it against a column of wild crystal. And she looked at it — at herself. 

She didn’t want this.

.

Peridot peered out from behind an outcropping, her eyes wide.

 

Amethyst stared at herself for what had to be a few minutes — her back was to Peridot, but even from her reflection, it was clear that she wasn’t in her right mind. Or she was too much in her mind. Peridot wasn’t sure. She, also, couldn’t stop staring at the gem in the mirror, taking in her new form. An off-white top, frayed at the bottom, clearly the product of an unclear mental picture and rushed regeneration. Her boots and the patches on her pants were of a darker, more washed-out purple. Even her hair seemed more distracted — that is, unmanaged.

But it was still Amethyst. The perfect, little, beautiful Amethyst. And Peridot couldn’t understand why she was looking in the mirror like she hated herself. 

It was then that she began to change, her form glowing and humming in the familiar tone of shapeshifting. And before Peridot’s eyes, Amethyst grew. First it was her arms and legs, doubling in size, then her torso and hips and head until she towered over the mirror. Her form solidified, familiar purple and black, but the silhouette was familiar too and it sent a shiver down Peridot’s spine. Broad shoulders, wide stance, spiked-up hair, clenched fists. The mirror only let her see up to Amethyst’s chest, but that was all Peridot needed to see — there it was, the uniform, the pale diamond. 

“Amethyst,” escaped her mouth and the quartz spun around. Her wide eyes met Peridot’s. 

For a second, neither of them moved — Peridot had forgotten how to. Amethyst reverted back to her base form in a flicker of light, her fists unclenching, her hair falling back over one eye. 

And then she ran.

.

She was horrified.

She had been so  _ stupid,  _ Amethyst thought. Peridot must have followed her in before the door closed, and Amethyst hadn’t seen or heard her because she’d been so distracted. This was horrible. She’d made an embarrassment of herself just like always, showing off how self-conscious and weak she was. Just like always.

_ The quartz in the mirror — isn’t that what you want? Why do you hate her too? _

Behind her, she could hear Peridot calling her name, but she didn’t stop. She was back in her favorite part of her room, the place where she could call her own, but now it felt like a trap. There was nowhere to go. She’d brought this upon herself and the last thing she wanted was to face it. 

So she ran, and ran, and ran until she could run no more. She ran until something moved from the top of a towering pile and she flinched, jumping back as a landslide of junk tumbled down in front of her. 

She was about to jump and keep running when a little hand hooked around her wrist.

“Go away!” Amethyst screamed in spite of herself. But she was unlucky enough to meet Peridot’s eyes again, the innocent eyes that put her stomach in a knot and made her freeze in her tracks. The hand drew back. Peridot’s fear narrowed into a scowl.

“No,” the green gem replied. “I won’t.”

Amethyst grit her teeth. She couldn’t believe that Peridot would do this to her, Peridot was supposed to be the one who needed help, not her. “So, what? Are you just going to hold me hostage until I give you a good enough reason for — for why I do THAT? Is THAT how you think it works?”

Peridot waited until she stopped before responding, “I KNOW how it works, Amethyst. It hurts to want to be stronger. But that...isn’t going to help.”

It didn’t matter that Peridot was clearly trying to be diplomatic, Amethyst still went on the defensive. “Look, it’s MY form, I can do what I want with it.”

“No,” Peridot snapped, quickly losing her cool. “You’re not like yourself, Amethyst, you can’t just bottle this up or you’ll hurt yourself — ”

She couldn’t take this anymore. “Yes, I CAN!” she yelled. “You think you know me? Well, you don’t! Because I don’t CARE!”

“BUT I DO, YOU CLOD!”

Peridot didn’t often yell, not like this. Unrestrained, sincere, uncontrolled. She pulled back when Amethyst did, she blinked and her eyes went wide and the silence dripped between them like nothing had ever been said. But everything had been said.

Despite herself, something warm and wet traced down Amethyst’s cheeks.  


She couldn't stop.

For the first time in months, Amethyst cried. She blinked and the tears came at last — it felt so good to cry. Peridot was at her side instantly. "Amethyst...Amethyst, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to — I just — I care about you, Amethyst, me and Steven and Pearl and Garnet, we love you! And — and I don't just love you because of who you could have been, I love YOU...and..."

And Amethyst knew that. She'd said the same thing last week. 

Before Peridot could react, Amethyst took her into a hug, long and tight. She made no plans to let go.

"Thank you," she whispered. She meant it.

Then she asked, "Can you stay?"

And the arms that returned her embrace told her everything. 

"I'll stay as long as you need, Amethyst."


End file.
